I listen to things all around me. Mostly friends, but sometimes other people. I write it down or remember then post it here.
I would punch an owl in the face.
And I though, "oh shit, here comes the biggie."
You can't be asking people to wax a vag on a Sunday
Me: Babe, "French couple convicted of concealing 271 Picassos."
Babe: Fred Couples? The professional golfer?
Me: what is this on my pants?
S: I always assume since I don't wash my jeans its some type of batter.
Me: uh huh.... 😑