Saturday, September 27, 2014

My mother

Mama: ....and he threatened to cock slap him.

Fran: Uhhhh. Do you know what that means?

Mama: Like when you slap a gun across someones face.

Me: I don't think so...

Me, Julie, Fran: (Laughing) Nope....

H J s

Chris if I give you a hj can I have this last peanut butter cookie?

Kinship

I feel a kinship to spiders, lesbians,  and cats.

Boners

Man: Have you experienced many boners during slow dances?

Me: I guess.

Man: It was my mission in middle school to get my boner on as many thighs as possible. 

Dead

Did somebody get dead?

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Iphone 6

Did you see the new iPhone?  That is going to be the only time five and a half inches satisfies me.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

I had to open my mouth

Me: That is a funny shirt (CHICK MAGNET)
Old Man: It is not about me, it is all about the "little man".